The Tard Ranch

Update: Fag Alert

2005-07-18T19:41:00.000-07:00

Today, I have decided to make my contribution to the pop culture lexicon.

scoop junkie - anyone who lives such a boring life that they try to tell you things you have found independently, minus help or influence, are stupid.

You know this person.

You tell the comic guy at the store, "Hey, did you hear about the developmental agreement for the screen adaptation of (insert stupid comic title)?" "Umm, no but it if were any good I would have already known..." [as they have a sour cream sandwich] Meaning, "I'm jealous and insecure I didn't see it first, and too childish and smug to thank you for telling me. I am r-e-a-l-l-y stupid."

Smug jerkoff.

Or, the pus-cunt with 1223423432452345324532453254 .mp3s he hoarded online somehow, and managed somehow to miss DJ DickTwerp and the Jackoffs unannounced online only release to fans, made available only 15 minutes on a weekday. You offer, but they are too proud to take it when their pals are around. Yeah, they get pissed. But the thing to remember is, if its good, its good. No matter if they found it, or you did. Take some pity though, its all they have in their lives.

Marine Nominated as new Joint Chiefs Chairman

2005-05-05T14:04:00.000-07:00

Gen. Peter Pace, USMC

President Bush has selected Gen. Peter Pace, USMC to be the first Marine to serve as chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. Let me say this is an honor that has l-o-n-g been overdue to this nation's and the world's finest fighting force, the United States Marine Corps.

Semper Fidelis, General Pace. Every Marine is behind you, and could not be more proud of your achievements.

A big rundown of crap that made mad recently

2005-05-03T07:46:00.000-07:00

Oprah a racist? Clearly so.

During a stop on her motivational speaking tour in Denver, Oprah had some strong advice to her white fans in attendance on the subject of African-American hairstyling. She instructed,

“Don't go into it, because there ain't no telling. It's a strong cultural thing.
We're all alike in our veins, except for our hair..."

Let’s reverse this. Make like this is a new article you just read without prior knowledge of the Oprah situation.

“During Sean Hannity’s most recent book tour, Mr. Hannity delivered some
friendly advice to the African-Americans in attendance regarded his famously
coifed pompadour. He stated, ‘You blacks out there should not ask me or
any other white folks how we do our hair. It’s a cultural thing, and you
would never understand.’”

Please insert “Rev.”Al Sharpton, “Rev.” Jesse Jackson, Farrakhan and all the other black leaders. They would be calling for his head. Matt and Katie would lead off every segment with an update and an interview with his third grade teacher, ex-stagehand and makeup artist they could find who would tow their line for them.

Fuck all of you. I don’t really think that Oprah is a racist, I just have a tough time believing that is the situation were reversed, that it would spark anything less than a national outcry from the Hippie Leagues. We are so fucking jumpy about this shit, we are afraid to say what’s on our minds for fear of being labeled a racist unfairly. I’m sick of it.

Vitamin C May Help Protect Babies of Smoking Moms

Ju-u-u-u-u-u-ust what we need.

That’s the headline. Apparently, some new research indicates that expectant mothers who take high doses of vitamin C can reduce some of the harmful effects that smoking has on the fetus.

OK. This is like the government and aliens. Some information is simply best left on the shelf, away from the public. Now, every white trash, NASCAR-laden hooch is going to justify burning a pack of Lucky’s by having a glass of Florida’s finest. Here’s an idea, DON’T FUCKING SMOKE IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! I don’t get all prissy about women and how they should wear makeup, dress like the homecoming queen or anything. However, I do think it is wholly unattractive for a female to smoke. It stinks like ass, and its no fun to kiss ashtrays.

God damn. Bitches make me mad.

In other news, a bill that would likely toughen domestic violence penalties in South Carolina was treading water, likely to sink. That was until Republican Senator John Graham Altman pondered aloud why he could not understand how women who are being abused would return, or stay with the abuser. This set off a huge rhubarb involving women’s groups, and shot immediate life back into the bill… Temporarily. The following was taken from an article excerpt on the situation.

"I do not understand why women continue to go back around men who abuse them," Altman told Columbia television station WIS. "I've asked women that and they all
tell me the same answer, 'John Graham, you don't understand.' And I say you're
right, I don't understand."

So what’s the controversy? He simply agreed with them. He (and I) clearly do not understand the mindset. Are we bad people? I suppose. What’s worse, Democrats are now stepping away from the bill because it looks like some high-ranking GOPs are touting the legislation and they don’t want to be associated with it now. In fact, Rep. Gilda Cobb-Hunter (D) who authored the bill, withdrew from its support. Let me make sure you understand… THE FUCKING AUTHOR backed away because she thinks that, “I am not going to be a part of a Republican whitewash. I am not going to be part of an effort to clean up the Republican caucus problem…”

Classy.

So you can take from this, we can only protect battered women if it is done in a partisan fashion by Democrats.

In related news, Democrats keep the momentum rolling in New Jersey with a bill that would officially declare the tomato the state vegetable. You say, “So? Every state has some sort of vegetable with that type of designation.” True. However, most states also took the time to make sure that the state vegetable was a FUCKING VEGETABLE AND NOT A FRUIT!!!

Christ… I can’t make this up.

One botanically-challenged legislator had the following to say on the tomato-as-a-vegetable’s behalf,

"We respect their opinions, but sweet corn has not had the impact on New Jersey
that the tomato has," said Ira Shaffer, a passionate proponent of the proposed
legislation and chairman of the New Jersey Tomato Festival Inc. It will hold its
second annual event Aug. 21 in Camden--complete with salsa bands and a
tomato-throwing "war" in the manner of Spain's annual La Tomatina tomato brawl
in Bunol.

Hmmm…

And lastly, so you don’t think I am totally against Democrats exclusively, Kansas conservatives are pushing for Intelligent Design inclusion in science textbooks. This is clearly retarded. I know that it’s going to make some of you angry, but we came from MONKEYS. OK, maybe not specifically monkeys, but a common ancestor.

This is really a hot button for me. If there were any sort of logically founded or empirical evidence that supported ID, then I would have no problem. Furthermore, if churches are so confident in their theories, then why would they fear any sort of challenge to them? I’ll tell you why, because they are evangelical twits. It’s just that simple.

They claim that, “Oh, how can you purport this simple theory as fact to our youth?” Well, to that I’ll retort with the notion of gravity is also a theory. Lemme hold an anvil over your head and test that “theory” out. What’s sad is that there are many Christians that do no have a major issue with evolution, and are perfectly content with a theistic evolutionary stance. Kudos to them, incidentally.

A good film people should check out that gives a charming portrayal of the infamous Scopes Monkey Trial of 1925, is Inherit the Wind. It also just goes to show us how much progress has to be still made to get religion out of our schools and in the churches. WHERE IT BELONGS!!! Take your “See You At The Pole” business outside, and out of my biology class. I’m trying to learn, thank you.

2005-04-24T10:45:00.000-07:00

Rumsfeld to his fellow Americans, "Shit. Those are R-E-A-L-L-Y big."

Forget GI Joe... THIS guy is a real American Hero

2005-04-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

Michael A. Smith

This Vietnam Vet spit a cheek full of chaw right on Hanoi Jane's commie red face. It is the very least she deserves. Vietnam was her people's fault. She opposed the war, but not the idiots administrating it. Hello, Johnson?

Vietnam was a just war, no matter what any pinko shitbag will tell you. We should have used the bomb, and that's that. Sending America's finest into that jungle was a ridiculous notion that only the most naïve and bleeding heart type of red would suggest.

Let's give thanks today to Mr. Smith, who was likely referred to as a baby killer, exposed to Agent Orange, and spat upon himself when he returned home; sans parade.

Jane Fonda, you can lick the dead skin off of my nutsack you evil fucking, dirtbag infected cunt of a whore.

No shit, Sherlock?

2005-04-20T14:05:00.000-07:00

CNN tanking as Fox News surges....

Top Executive at NBC's 'Today' Show Fired: Top Executive Behind NBC's 'Today' Show Is Ousted After Ratings Slump

Do you think people are starting to not like pinkos?

I do.

Now that people have more choices to the bullshit that Mat and Katie lay on you every day, guess what? They don't want to hear it. I mean, Good Morning America is hacking away at Today's lead in the morning show wars. Don't get me wrong, GMA is liberal. However, they are not filled with this vitriol and fire against anything that opposes a total surrender unto the Communist party.

Oh well. They hate Roman Catholics at NBC. You should have seen Katie tear into this cardinal from *I think* Washington D.C. She was cold and cunty to him, ripping right into him about how the church opposes women for this and that. She sure is a bitch.

Why Jimmy Carter Can Suck on My Nutsack

2005-04-18T16:58:00.000-07:00

While recently speaking at a human rights conference in Atlanta, the former U.S. President (who appears to have died in 1989, judging by his looks) asserted that in rich countries (we can only assume ones that use toilet paper), “We really don't give a damn." This is in reference to the amount of aid we dole out to underdeveloped countries to help treat diseases and other maladies that would prevent said shitholes from achieving success.

O.K. Let me highlight what he said…

"Unfortunately, in the rich countries like ours, we really don't give a damn,"

Alright, nevermind the fact that the U.S. sends out more dough that ANY country. They (pinkos) will bitch about per capita donation, and how our rate of giving has not paced with other Western countries. Well, how about us having to deal with all said underdeveloped nations sauntering into our country and squatting up on our dime? Granted, with the whole African northern migration and the Eurabia movement, they have issues too. However, Carter seems to forget about this whole democracy thing we’re administrating in Iraq. This may in fact be due to Alzheimer’s, or whatever seems to have claimed his sanity.

Jimmy Carter, you are a dillweed peanut farmer.

OK Canada, fess up...

2005-03-19T15:57:00.000-08:00

OK. I was not aware that gender-based pricing was worthy of comparison to a FUCKING HUMAN RIGHTS VIOLATION!!!

Liberals, please tell me that women paying more for haircuts/hairdos and certain items of clothing is NOT A HUMAN RIGHT VIOLATION!!!

I mean, it might suck. But, if a woman is stupid enough to drop $100+ on highlights and other stupid things I don't understand, isn't that her prerogative? It's not milk, air, or water. Its clothes and hair.

Furthermore, I don't EVER want to hear a woman gripe about price gouging for any type of service. Has any guy been the benficiary of free drinks at any bar or club based on the fact the have testes? Or gotten in free when the women have had to pay? This is discrimination, but does it really matter? Seriously?

2005-03-16T11:58:00.000-08:00

ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING CHINESE SHIT ALREADY!!!!

I am a pretty big Texas Ranger fan, and really like the way Hank Blalock plays third. But enough of people getting Chinese scripting for tattoos. His tatts say something along the lines of "father" and "son" and whatnot.

OK. So he's proud of his family, that super. But from now on, nobody who isn't Chinese, or from China gets to have Chinese tatts anymore, goddammit!!!

I'm sick of it.

Revolution in The Middle East

2005-03-16T09:57:00.000-08:00

I've been following the events in the Middle East for a while now but I just started to really notice the amount of positive news articles about peace and democracy at Google news. From President Bush urging Hezbollah to give up violence and be recognized as a legitimate political entity to the care that the new Iraqi Parliament is taking to ensure a peaceful resolution to its internal problems.

One of the articles warns of too much chest thumping from Washington as that may alienate some people in the Middle East and inflame anti-American feelings that reside there. No matter what you think of the war in Iraq, I think it is almost inarguable that the invasion of Iraq and the subsequent placement of 130,000 troops right in the middle of the region is providing some good ol' fashioned gun-boat diplomacy in a region that recognizes military might. There is a fine line that the Bush administration is walking now that too much strutting and "I told you so" attitude could ruin what good is happening there. Let's hope that whatever is happening in the Middle East continues.

Propaganda War

2005-03-11T17:33:00.000-08:00

I ran across this article today and noticed how inflammatory its language is. Does it surprise me? Not really. The Arab take on Syria-Lebanon is also much different than ours as they tend to believe the Syria pull-out is destablizing the area and they view it a bad thing. I wonder if the real thing they are worried about is the loosening of the grip of radical religious leaders and the spread of democracy. Let's see: Palestine wants peace with Israel, Lebanon wants Syria out, Iraq (no matter how it occured) is well on its way to a democratic state, and the biggest thing that I see happening in that region that goes mostly unaware, or at least the media doesn't cover it, is the total success that Afghanistan is having as it steps forward in the 21st century as a democratic nation that is learning to fix its problems in a civilized manner other than beating the crap out of each other.

Back to the propaganda, I guess some groups will leap at anything to say something bad about the US. After reading that article it kind of made me think of some crazy conspiracy theory article with all the wild accusations and conclusions.

2005-03-06T15:42:00.000-08:00

If war is wrong for conservatives, then war is wrong absolutely. Absolutely.

Everyone's doing it, AIDS!!!

2005-02-28T16:31:00.000-08:00

Here we go again... I guess I can't complain much, since its not on my continent. But the times, they are 'a changin'. But here we are with the pageant to end all pageants, Miss HIV.

Wonder why people fuck so much when they know they'll get AIDS? Guess they are stupid or something.

Ju-u-u-u-u-u-st what the Dr. ordered (if you like socialism)

2005-02-12T16:20:00.000-08:00

Could this be the nail? Could it?

Seems as if every GOP operative has gotten their wish granted as Dr. Howard Dean is set to take the reins as the head honcho of the DNC. I am a little puzzled at this decision, but can see the logic behind it as well.

Dean got the whole grassroots (I hate to rehash the term) bit down pat as the net generation seemingly embraced his spitfire brand of politics. And by spitfire, I mean socialism. And by socialism, I mean Europeanization. And by Europeanization, I mean pussification. And by pussification, I mean pussification.

Why would the DNC, who clearly lost out in the White House and on the hill by moving further to the left, HIRE HOWARD FUCKING DEAN? My only guess is they feel like he at least knows what NOT to do now.

Rumor mill has it, that the Clintonistas had it out for Dean. While I or anyone else cannot confirm this, it does make some sense as his brand of liberalism was so far left and lies in direct contradiction to what Hillary now is espousing. Yeah, the Clintons know that you can't win unless you go to the center. That's why Jesus is suddenly OK and abortion is T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E (to the victims), yaddayaddayadda...

We'll not discuss when she had been given a "briefing" over a small quiz David Letterman administered during a January 2000 appearance on his show. She was just gushing over how she got them all correct. We also won't talk about the remark she made about Ghandi's post at a St. Louis filling station.

Crap, I've veered off the first subject. Oh well, they're all pinkos. You should hate them.

Bless the Marine Corps...

2005-02-03T13:36:00.000-08:00

Very recently, a top U.S. Marine general was counseled on his choice of words regarding his zeal for enemy disposal.

Ha. Pinkos are mad.

It seems that he made light of the fact he doesn't mind eliminating people who abuse women. I don't see NOW stepping up and praising the comments, but of course, what pinkos would?

Ugg.

Lt. Gen. James Mattis, the leader in question made these comments in a panel discussion on Middle East affairs/war blah, blah... Pinkos take heart and be thankful that if not for people like this, you might not enjoy the very freedoms you exercise in which to state your qualms. If this paltry price (which I found to be humorous) is all there is to pay on YOUR end, well than be thankful.

Really America, stop being offended on the part of other people. It will make all of our lives better.

Yet another reason not to have gay buttsex

2005-02-02T17:33:00.000-08:00

http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=healthNews&storyID=7518089

Why? Pretty soon, the homosexual lobby will convince us that we need to redirect public funds from public schools and whatnot in order to find a cure for this tragic "killer."

Its not a killer, its a 100% preventable disease that you won't get if YOU DON'T HAVE GAY BUTTSEX!!!

You do know we spend more money on AIDS research in the U.S. than all forms of cancer combined right? Thank the gay lobby.

An excerpt...

Most people infected report having multiple sex partners and engaging in unprotected anal intercourse and other high-risk practices, officials said. LGV can be cured by a three-week course of antibiotics if identified early. Untreated, it can cause swelling and scarring of the genitals and permanent damage to the bowels.

Golly. Gay buttsex is not safe...

Hooda thunkit?

What we were hoping all along anyway.

2005-01-31T09:20:00.000-08:00

Seems that females who smoke cut almost as much as 4x off of their life as their male peers do.

Good.

Makes me laugh when I see some ape's cunt of a whore at a restaurant or bar or anywhere put a goddam cigarette in her disgusting piehole. Really, if I didn't have to ever smell them, I may be able to tolerate it. I'd like to see a pack of cigarettes cost about $.25 a pack. This way, more stupid people would buy them and help Darwin and the rest of us out by helping kill these dumb shits off a little faster.

How about this...

We offer Norplants to all women who are tired of paying $5-$7 for a pack of smokes and vasectomies to all men who want the same benefits, and give them $.25 pack of smokes option. Yeah, a card that lets them buy any tobacco products for cheap. We don't let them breed, and they die faster!!

Everyone wins!!!

And to top it off, make 1 out of every say... 2 Norplants actually a time-release cyanide capsule. I think for cheap smokes, people would do it. I mean, we have to assume they are stupid if they began in the first place. Oh sure, we all know people that smoke that we care about. But if they wanted to quit, they would. Do we like to smell them? No.

Let them fulfill their hackety-hack destinies and just let them do what they naturally want to do anyways, and just die.

(NOTE: Now, let's not lump in smokeless tobacco with all of this. True, it may taste and look a bit foul, but do you ever choke when somebody uses it? Do your clothes stink after being around them? Its bad for you, but its a victimless crime. Except for their orphans and all.)

O'Reilly/Clooney Spat: My Thoughts

2005-01-19T15:52:00.000-08:00

Goddammit again. Hippies just don’t get it. Unfortunately, it appears they never will.

George Clooney is harping on Bill O’Reilly again. This time, it’s basically over the same thing as three years ago concerning a similar fundraiser for the 9/11 victims and their families. Seems as if O’Reilly basically warned that if not administered properly, donated monies could very well again be misappropriated into the wrong hands, just as it did three years ago.

Clooney, still smarting from the results of the most recent presidential election, was too immature and childish to realize that what was being said was the truth. Thus, he had to jab at the conservative-minded pundit by stating, "it was not the Red Cross but the United Way that sponsored that telethon ... an easy mistake to make ... if you're 3." We needn’t remind ourselves of the “We are the World” debacle in the eighties which saw nearly all the funds that the single had raised to help relieve famine in Ethiopia end up in the hands of local warlords, which only went to make matters much worse.

But you aren’t supposed to know that.

Clooney, who along with fellow sausage-choker Mark Wahlberg, poked fun at the fact that Charlton Heston has Alzheimer’s disease. Would it be ok if Rush Limbaugh made fun of Christopher Reeves being in a wheelchair? No.

Just a double standard that leftist sympathizers enjoy.

Just as Sen Diane Feinstein (D-Ca) wants an outright ban of all guns, yet admits to having a .38 at one time (who knows about now?) and the luxury of armed body guards.

Oh pinkos, you entertain me!!

Tsunamis, Sudanis, and Hippies... Oh my!!!

2005-01-11T17:16:00.000-08:00

Ummmm… Sorry for not writing since crimmus. Since then, there was a big ass tsunami in Asia and parts of Africa along the Pacific Rim. A lot of people died. Really, coastline density in places like that are super-dangerous… You know, aside from big-assed amounts of people that consume shitloads of resources and whatnot. Oh well, they ought to pronouncing Phuket (p -ke^t), like (fuck-it). You know, since, “Fuck it… This place is destroyed.”

In other shocking news, it seems that one the latest international headlines reads, “Darfur Combatants Still Ignore Sudan Peace Pacts.”

I know. I am as shocked as you.

“Fighting is spreading in Sudan's Darfur region and may intensify in the short-run despite a peace agreement between Khartoum and rebels in the south…”

Do we really think these people, who likely can’t even read, give two shits about some peace accord? Come on… Sure human slaughtering isn’t the best thing ever, but if the UN does what the UN does, its gonna keep happening.

I hate hippies a lot.

The kind of father we all aspire to be...

2004-12-25T10:49:00.000-08:00

...if I were stupid enough to sire offspring.

Oh joy!!! Kids pay attention. This year, dad took Christmas into his own hands. Pretty tough day for three Houston boys who have to watch as strangers bid for their holiday cheer. Pops had enough shit from these little assholes and put their gifts on eBay while mom cries.

Cheerio, Dad!! Fuck those kids… Go bid here and ruin those bastards Christmas and make dad happy. Maybe he will drink beer and hit them.

http://search.ebay.com/_W0QQgotopageZ1QQsassZmagumboQ5f2000QQsorecordsperpageZ25QQsosortorderZ1QQsosortpropertyZ1

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&u=/ap/20041225/ap_on_fe_st/ebay_kids_s_gifts

Democrats Stupid Again: Film at 11

2004-12-24T15:53:00.000-08:00

Still reeling from a democratically administered November ass-whipping at the polls, the DNC is struggling to find ways to relate to the mounting numbers of Americans it has managed to alienate in recent years. One proposal is to back away from the abortion issue. Myself, I am pro-choice. Yeah, I’m one of those crazy people who doesn’t like the government to legislate morality.

I’m wondering if the DNC will ever get it through their tax and spend heads that having people like Bruce “The Boss” Springsteen and John “Johnny Cougar” Mellencamp trying to relate to middle America, whilst charging upwards of $100 for a concert ticket, might have actually backfired on them. Who has that kind of change to drop? Apparently not enough people in Ohio.

Now they want to back away from abortion? One of the few things I like(d) about the Democrats and assumed they wouldn’t change, the holiest of grails might soon be on the block. I doubt they will, but the simple fact a few of them seem to be willing to play ball on the issue is just further evidence they have let the far left too far into their system. America wants someone in the middle, whether its from the middle left or middle right. I have sad news for them however, its not going to be from the left with spited right-wing rhetoric. I just can’t see it realistically happening.

I’m a Libertarian, so I really don’t give a shit. But here’s a link if you want to see what the latest hub-bub is all about.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=2026&ncid=2026&e=2&u=/latimests/20041223/ts_latimes/democraticleadershiprethinkingabortion

Looking for Love in all the Hmong Places

2004-12-08T18:47:00.000-08:00

Here we go again. Another fine example of how Whitey is bad. About a week or so ago, an Asian man in Wisconsin shot and killed six members of a hunting group on private land which some of the victims owned. The AP was right there to submit to you a B.S. hippie, commie-lib, total-surrendering tale of woe of why Western civilization was at fault for the death of these men.

The killer (alleged? Yeah right!!) was of Hmong descent. The AP was right there to remind us of the Hmong's aid to the U.S. in Laos fighting Communists. That's honorable and great. Shall we acquiesce unto the French for giving us a humongous statue 200 some odd years ago? I mean, let's think about what happened last week, not 30 years ago.

Let's go over a few of the retarded things that were said...

"a fight over a tree stand used as a vantage point for aiming and firing."
Fight? No the asshole was forced out, came back and began shooting. Implying the obvious, by coming back, he was seeking premeditated revenge.

"And a man who came from a hunting culture on the other side of the world stood accused of murder. Was this the doing of an untethered individual or a cultural clash?"
You've got to be shitting me... I'm going to shoot everyone I don't like, and call it a cultural clash. Jesus, this guy has been here since the seventies, and served in the military. Suck my balls with your cultural clash.

"The Hmong, an ethnic minority from Southeast Asia, are relative newcomers (he wasn't, again, he came in the seventies) to the North Woods who brought their own strong hunting tradition (bet they didn't have full stomachs when they went and wasn't for recreational purposes) from the hills of northern Laos. They can be frustrated by the paucity of land open to them (clearly, trespassing was the obvious choice). They often feel uncomfortable in the homogeneous communities of rural Wisconsin and Minnesota (ummm... they do talk strange, but its no reason to shoot them)."

"Together, Minnesota and Wisconsin grant more than a million deer licenses each year. That, combined with the increasing closure of private land, leaves many hunters, especially city dwellers with no personal contacts in the upstate areas, scrambling for a piece of ground in the patchwork of public lands." He's helping justify it even more. Like its a return to feudalism or something. Uggg... Goddammed hippie writers...

"Conflicts (murder?) can occur when a lost hunter ends up on private property, or when two groups stake out the same piece of public land."

As a non-hippie, I feel it necessary to say something. We can't let blue-state apologetics take over for things we shouldn't apologize for. I'll be vilified by hippies as someone who hates Asians complete with charges of racism and ignorance. Many of them can't help this. The race card is easy to play, and often with no strings attached for the accuser.
To this I say, blow me.

Here's a link for the butthole article.

http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=519&ncid=519&e=40&u=/ap/20041130/ap_on_re_us/whose_woods_3

For the record, I am not a racist. In fact, I have a minor in ethnic studies. But God help us all, I do enjoy ethnic humor as much as the next guy. Even good ol' fashioned cracker jokes.

That's it for this week. Please visit my friends at www.couchpirates.com and www.porkdisco.com because they would appreciate the business. Thanks.

2004-11-29T15:03:00.000-08:00

I wish I had thought of this first.

2004-11-17T14:32:00.000-08:00

I am dead. Read below why this is a good thing.

Why I am Glad Old Dirty Bastard is Dead

2004-11-17T13:55:00.000-08:00

Well, think about it. Would anybody cry if Michael Milken died in a skiing accident?

Doubtful.

Some misguided jackasses think the passing of such a cretin is worthy of some ill-conceived melancholy melody.

Not me.

Let's go over a few tidbits of this asswipe's life and the legacy he has left the world.

had a history of drug abuse
fathered -->13<-- children (I might add, this is what Blender magazine reports, plus it is only what is known. Likely, there are many more.)
Following a 1999 arrest for possession of crack cocaine, he reportedly asked the police to "make the rocks disappear" because it would hurt his standing as a role model.
stage names included Dirt McGirt and Big Baby Jesus, the latter inspired by his likely drug-induced belief that, "I always been Jesus."
Made terrorist threats
involvement in a shootout with police
took a camera crew from MTV along with several of his kids (he was said to have more than a dozen, by numerous mothers) to the welfare office - in a limousine - to get an allotment of food stamps. He received them!!!

During the nineties, it was roughly estimated that the cost of a child from birth through college was approximately $350,000. For simple argument's sake, let's assume that in New York, where he was from, that the outrageous cost of living there is equal to the mean U.S. average of a decade ago. Let's also further assume that none of these children had/have any special needs or miscellaneous handicaps.

Let's calculate, shall we?

13 illegitimate children X $350,000 = $4,550,000

That’s a mighty big chunk of taxpayer change. Do you know how many school districts don’t get that for an annual budget?

I am sickened that MTV had the gall to mourn his death as if he were some sort of dignitary, or even better, somebody who took care of their children. Although, perhaps they are saddened by the fact they are now further challenged to saddle the debt he has cursed them with. You know, seeing is how they are based in New York as well.

2004-11-13T11:03:00.000-08:00

This is the most disturbing thing I've seen in a long time.

Blue State, Red State: A Reexamination

2004-11-11T19:43:00.000-08:00

Let's dump this red state/blue state crap already. Its the most annoying election season trend since the "approve this message" tag that was overdone to the brink of homicidal self-aggression. While the Dems are blue over the big losses presidentially, congressionally, and senatorially, clearly they are red at heart. Yep, pinkos.

Dirty bread rationing pinkos. Class-hating hippies.

Oh well, I guess I will be red with glee rather than blue with sadness. This isn't a super hate-filled rant, but it needed to be said.

Here is a guide for those who may not be sure what it all SHOULD be...

Red = Communist Who are you kidding? You know it's true.

Not Red = Everyone else I like owning things, therefore I don't support the far left.

Andrew Veal: A True Visionary

2004-11-09T16:46:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, a hippie killed himself. Apparently, Mr. Andrew Veal decided that life with George W. as president for another -->elected<-- (yes hippies, elected) term, was far more than he was capable of handling. I can say I have no problem with this. I admire Mr. Veal and hope that his actions serve as a model for the ideal way to protest the election of a man who sees no need for global taxation, regaling nuke-happy dictators with objectivity, or the absence of democracy.

I say, cheerio and godspeed, Mr. Veal. May your actions lead other like-minded fuckstains in the right direction.

Here's a link... See what this brave hippie has done.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2004-11-07-suicide-nyc_x.htm

Sweet Monkey Nuts.

2004-11-03T14:56:00.000-08:00

I'm on the web, bitch.